it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
