In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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