I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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