i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
