i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need a beard to bite.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize