went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Alive.
So much puke
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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