This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You pole danced in your parka.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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