tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
