is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
