I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
