New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
