just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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