i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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