I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dont even know how to be here
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize