She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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