I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
