At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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