ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
