It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
