From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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