flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
