): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't turn off my feet"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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