Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Holy sore nipples Batman
how drunk are you?
Several
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize