I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
