I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
