It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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