Only a mothe r could love this liver
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
