hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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