You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
