those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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