You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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