I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
