my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
