it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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