alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im holly from the hills drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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