I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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