I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
