What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
