just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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