I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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