i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
