just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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