I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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