there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
