Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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