Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
