dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
