he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
