Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
