Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
