We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize