She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
