my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
