i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
