I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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