Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
