my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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