he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
