come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize