I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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