I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
