My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
