I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
