Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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