did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
