Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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