Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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