There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bring me that man meat
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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