When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She said her name was "party"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
